i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
