dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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