Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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