Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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