I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
