Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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