i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need moral support for this bender
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
