Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
