dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
