my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude i'm inner monologue high
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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