He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
