The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
