I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
