I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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