Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
