It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
did you just send me my own nude
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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