Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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