so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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