my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We left the knife in your bed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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