mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize