She announced her abortion via fbk
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
