I just saw a hot homeless man
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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