How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
