i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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