...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
