Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
