It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
