Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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