help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
