420 ftw
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
