i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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