Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
