btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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