Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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