what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just pee around me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
