wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
