every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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