she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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