tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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