I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize