I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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