Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize