You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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