I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
