he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
