I cockslap morals
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
