Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
