i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
