I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize