Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
