We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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