I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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