STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
