my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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