Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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