I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
