Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
