Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
