my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
