I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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