I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
