Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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