Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
