I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
