shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
